Not my wife! I wish she was! (photo Bethany Clarke, Times)

God Must Be A Toy Soldier. Here’s Why.

  1. First, I pray to my soldiers when I roll my dice to see if I can move or shoot
  2. I donate a lot of money to them
  3. I believe in my toy soldiers. I pretend they are real.
  4. I tell everybody I believe in peace, that’s why I play with soldiers instead of fighting real wars.
  5. In reality, though, I fight wars with others about the ‘true religion’. “Age of Sigmar/Bolt Action/Field of Glory? Are you stupid? That’s childish/not realistic/overcomplicated (delete as appropriate)”.
  6. I try to convert others to my religion. “28mm? You really should try 6mm.”
  7. I believe in strict rules. No shooting at me beyond your line of sight.
  8. I will forbid my daughter to marry someone who doesn’t share my religion.
  9. I’m part of a community and we have regular meetings to practice our rituals. My orations about the purity of certain rules are described as sermons, by certain non-believers, like my wife.
  10. I have ten rules. All major religions have ten rules.

Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Amen!

ps: the goddess above is not my wife, unfortunately 😦 (photo Bethany Clarke)

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